a tale of two hearts

Esther 6 weeks

You are officially 6 weeks old baby girl. 

Your big brother has just gone out on an adventure with Baba and Dedo, so it’s just you and I at home which is such a treat. I just fed you and got to hold you in my arms and just stare at you, study your little features, talk to you and pray for you. I really treasure those moments when it’s just you and I but am so thankful we have your brother around most of the time to entertain us both. Oh my goodness does he love you. Yes he’s still a 3-year-old boy so he doesn’t spend every waking minute wanting to play with you but when he does, he’s so gentle and considerate. I love the way he says your name, the way he asks you questions to include you in conversations, the way he sings little songs to you in the car when you're upset,  and the way he pokes his head into the pram to say “ssshh, it's ok” when you're crying. He adores you.

You may only be six weeks but here are a few things we’ve learnt about you so far:

1. You have a really gentle determination about you.
2. When you’re in pain, you’re in pain and you make that known but when you’re upset, you get really sad and you do this sweet little frown just before you start crying as though you are just about to whisper “mummy, I’m sad, please help me."
3. You love hearing Lucas talk. Your head usually spins around to where he is when you hear his voice. Oh and seeing you smile when he’s chatting away to you, oh man, get’s me every time.
4. Yeah, your smile. Period. No words.
5. You love staring at Dad you are mesmerised by him, I suspect it’s his beard and glasses. Same goes for his voice when he’s in the room.

-       Oh speaking of Dad, it seems you’ve inherited his skin. So we’ve spent the last week visiting doctors, praying, making phone calls and emailing other mums who’ve walked this journey, reading, so much reading, buying cream, probiotics, new detergents, moisturisers, supplements and cook books for the new diet I need to be on to manage your flare ups. It’s still very much early days but thankfully it looks like we may have found a combination of things that your skin loves. I’m really thankful it’s not life threatening, that we can find ways to help you manage it and that you are so incredibly healthy and thriving. 

When you're a little older Esther, you'll discover that one of the worst most stressful things in life isn't an exam or a deadline at work but that feeling of helplessness when your little one isn't well and you're not sure if you'll be able to find the answer to help them get better, that my dear is the worst, just ask Baba and Dedo. I'm so thankful I get to do this parenting thing with your Dad because when your kids aren't well you want someone in your corner who's on the same page as you, someone who's positive, proactive and hopeful, when your not feeling so hopeful and your Dad has been all those things this last week.

Esther you are such a gift. We are so in love with you my dear baby girl. So excited to get to know you more as the weeks, months and years unfold, our family is so much better for having you in it.

xx love mamma