When it's 5 degrees and you have a lake in the backyard. 

 

Rome we walked through her streets as newlyweds and 13 years later we came back I can only assume so that you could push a pram through her cobble stone streets in the middle of summer, right? 

She still remains my favourite capital in all the world, there is nothing that comes close to her. I fell hard for her when mum and dad first introduced us. Dad narrating as much history as he could squeeze into every breath while us three girls tried to look interested and we did well for the first 2 hours but certainly couldn't keep up with his enthusiasm for 7 days. I remember the beautiful apartment we stayed in, the building with it's central courtyard, the brown desk near the window that I would sit at to write in my journal at the end of each day, riding on the back of a vespa with Dad, walking, so much walking, sitting for an hour to have our portrait sketched at Piazza Navona, but what I remember most was singing, laughing, mucking around with my sisters. I didn't appreciate the gravity and significance of all the history we were walking through but regardless I knew there was something etherial, grand and otherly about this place. It was in a class of its own, so much so that when I was old enough to explore the world on my own, Rome was the first stop I wanted to make. 

Third time round the history and grandeur of her monuments was simply a backdrop for me to enjoy you all in. A bit like taking your best friends to your favourite restaurant, you know the food will be amazing but you're going there with them because you know that the alchmy of your favourite people in one of your favourite places has the potential to make for memories that will glisten in your minds eye for decades to come. 

That's what Rome was this time round - I got to walk her streets with you, watch our kids learn how to drink from her fountains, play on her cobble stones, eat their fill of gelato and cannoli, play hide and seek in her ancient relics, dance in her pantheon. 

These were memories I wanted - I was so present to it all, so many deep breaths of gratitude, so much intention behind every click of my camera. I was in a diamond mine and I wasn't going to walk away from this experience without collecting as many gems as my heart could hold. 

That there has got to be one of the untold gifts of grief.

When the one you love, no longer has breath to breath you quickly learn that in the absence of their physical presence, the memories you have stored up with them appreciate exponentially in value and so the pain of a breathless love, allowed me to more clearly see my loves still breathing.

 Still, love you, still, miss you and still ever so thankful for being loved by you and having loved you Tanche.

xx